A Very Special First Birthday Adventure

A VERY SPECIAL FIRST BIRTHDAY

There was no big birthday bash or a fancy cake. No elaborate presents but who needs toys when you have a beautiful world on your doorstep! For River’s first birthday we hit the road, up the coast to the most northern part of the south island for an epic adventure. We spent cold mornings snuggled up in our “new” 1985 Ford Campervan, waving to strangers out the window (and making everyone smile in the meantime), enjoying banana pancakes (River’s fav!), exploring stunning beaches, beautiful coastal walks with fields of adorable lambs. I hope as River grows older (and when he actually has a “say” in his birthday, lol) he’ll want to make memories like we did this first birthday. Zack and I feel so incredibly blessed to be River’s parents and have learned so much this past year as we navigate what it means to raise a little human. There’s so much more I could say on this, but I’ll let the photos speak for themselves. Here’s a snippet of our time in Abel Tasman, Golden Bay, and Nelson area.

Who is in the driver's seat?

On March 16th 2018, just over a month after my brother passed, I wrote the following in my journal:

“A lot has happened since Monday.

Last night, throughout my rough sleep, I had a dream I was driving with Ben. Ben was driving, I was in the passengers seat.

Though there was so much I felt I needed to say, I couldn’t find any words. I didn’t know what to say. I simply put my hand on his shoulder. He replied by looking at me. He smiled and said,

“thanks for always listening to me”.

I woke up feeling a little weirded out. The fact that he’s gone but he was just sitting beside me with his hand on my shoulder.

…

I realized that I can take that dream how I want to perceive it.

I can believe that it’s Ben sending a message to me, trying to ease my uncertainties of “did I do/say enough?”. It’s possible. But I’m not convinced.

OR I can take it as a confirmation to myself. That I really do believe I did all that I could (as a human that isn’t perfect).

I know I will be fine. I know this because I have the power to choose. “

Now, almost 2 and a half years later, I am reflecting on this particular dream…

Firstly, can I just say how proud of myself I am?! Just another reminder of the importance of reflecting on where you were a year ago, two years ago, etc.

Secondly, there’s something I didn’t note in my journal but I remember thinking. I remember taking note how BEN was in the DRIVER’S seat in my dream. On the one hand it makes sense. He’s the older brother and I have many memories of him driving us around, or him picking me up. Sure, that makes sense. But it doesn’t hurt to think about this in a more critical way.

Throughout Ben’s sickness, I often felt a certain helplessness. I would bend over backwards trying to help, make myself available, clear my schedule, constantly trying to be the best sister I could be, all while questioning whether was I was doing would ever really be enough. He was physically sick, emotionally unavailable, and we were losing time. This ruined me. It is exhausting searching for confirmation when the person in the driver’s seat is unresponsive. Ben was in the driver’s seat, and I was in the passenger’s seat, crying, screaming, begging for love.

This realization made a huge difference in my grieving process. It doesn’t make it easy by any means, but it allowed me to gain control when I felt everything and everyone was spiraling.

I know this is heavy, but I felt the need to share. Reflecting on this experience has me thinking about who or what might be driving my emotions lately. Perhaps you can look at who or what may be in your driver’s seat?

Northland Roadtrip

N O R T H L A N D

R O A D T R I P J U L Y 2 0 2 0

How lucky we are to be living in New Zealand. When the rest of the world is dealing with the ups and downs of COVID19, we are back to what feels mostly like “normal life”. Zack has been back to work for some time now, cafes and business are back up and running, and domestic travel is back in full swing, allowing us to make this trip a reality.

We flew from Christchurch to Auckland for 10 days in Northland, the most northern tip of the country. With the warmer temperatures (averaging 10-15 degrees celcius (this is winter!), we were happy to rent a campervan, leaving us the freedom to leave the itinerary fairly open. We spent our time driving the coast, making pit stops at stunning beaches, small towns, giant sand dunes, all while navigating “van life” with a 9 month old. It definitely had it’s challenges, but River was a joy. We found the van to not allow him much space to explore, so we made a point to find areas where he could inch-worm himself around, enjoying grassy fields or sandy beaches. He felt sand for the first time in his life, digging his chubby little fingers in and marveling at the granules of sand between his dimples, hehe. He gave many smiles to other campers, often a gateway to conversation for us adults. He also loves going on hikes with us, staring wide eyed at the trees up above, or dozing off in the pack whenever he wants. What a life eh?!

Overall, it was a great trip. We experienced some heavy rain (to be expected in winter time), and ended up booking an aribnb for the final night (the leak in the van on my head kind of sealed the deal on that one, haha), but that ended up being the perfect way to end the trip.

Northland is beautiful, wild, and historically rich. Thank you Aotearoa (New Zealand) for having us.

Spring Handmade Market: Quality over Quantity

Exciting news!  Sarah Reimer Designs will be setting up at the Handmade Market Niagara on May 11 &12!

After a painfully long winter season, I am looking forward to getting back into my groove.  Though my products will not have changed a whole lot (though I promise I will have some new product!), how I am creating has changed.  I've slowed down, allowing myself time to experiment, and also time to perfect.  It's quality over quantity.

When I first began my journey as a vendor at the Handmade Market a couple of years ago, I was flooded with different anxieties and stresses that I'm sure anyone emerging as an artist experiences at some point.  Is my work good enough? Did I price my work fairly?  Do I have enough stock?!  My biggest fear was that I'd run out of product.  Which I've learned now is (though a fair question), something I put too much stress on.  Though it's good to not run out an hour into the show, I think it's way more important to bring quality work that you are proud of.  I ended up going overboard my first show, having so many prints available that I am STILL working through selling that mother load.  

What I will be bringing that is new this year, are a collection of wood cover books.  I also am working on different ways to re-purpose my old travel calendars, so you may see some one of a kind "recycled" pieces!  

As for details for the show, you can visit their website for more details, but here is a quick overview:

When: Friday May 11 & Saturday May 12

Where: 13th Street Winery, St. Catharines

Hope to see you then!

Finding My Voice.

"Always remember the mountains and valleys that got you here"

I'd like to start off this post by putting a few things out in the open.  There have been significant events in my life this past year that have pushed me, shattered me, deflated me, and empowered me.  It has been an ongoing journey- one that I am still trying to figure out how to comprehend.  I have been quiet, not knowing how to find my voice in such a time of despair.  

What a year it has been.  A heart-wrenching, emotion filled, creativity-deflating year.

You may be confused.  

Landing on this website, it's clear that I am here to uplift and bring positivity.  "Every day is a gift" I say!  Travel, explore, love the world around you!  Yes, those are things that bring meaning to my life.  After living abroad for three years, I felt energized.  I left Thailand in June of last year completely inspired.  Those years changed me.  

Although I think it's impossible to be fully prepared for some things in life, I think those years may have helped prepare me for this year in even the smallest of ways.

A year and a half ago, my brother was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer.  This past February, we lost him.  This process has been life shattering.  For me, personally, I felt it slowly deflating any motivation.  It's as if someone (by the name of Grief, perhaps), walked in the front door uninvited and started popping all of my creative dreams and ambitions one by one with a long pointy pin.  Even if I tucked away an idea "for later", Grief would find it and suck all the life out of it.  It sucked.  All I could do was put my hands in the air and say, "you win, Grief".

Two weeks ago, Zack and I went on a trip.  We went to Puerto Rico, rented a car, and freely roamed the island.  We explored, we relaxed, we mingled, and it was awesome.  It was there that I picked up my camera for the first time in many months.  I started to take photos for the pure joy of it, I started journaling and dreaming about things I wanted to do this summer, fall, and beyond.  It was a breath of fresh air.

I am hoping this blog will help me find my voice again.  I really do have so much to share!  It may be raw and vulnerable, but it's something I know I need to do.  My artwork reflects my life journey, and I hope my photography can be much more than just a pretty picture.

Thank you for following along!